It's Okay to Not Be Okay
by GuardianDragon98
Summary: One watched his best friend die. The other grew up fighting an almost never-ending battle. They both learned to mask their pain in different ways. But when the pain becomes too much, they find comfort in each other. Post-Forces. Sonic/Shadow pairing. Don't like, don't read.


**Hello, Sonic fans and Sonadow fans alike! In preparation for planning my first full-length Sonic fanfiction, I'm writing this Sonadow one-shot. Enjoy!**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SONIC CHARACTERS. ALL RIGHTS GO TO SEGA.**

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**It's Okay to Not Be Okay**

Shadow wasn't the type to bare his emotions.

Anyone who met him, the leader of Team Dark – G.U.N.'s elite special ops force – would immediately peg him as a dark, brooding individual. With his intimidating appearance and the fact that he was a being of unbelievable power, Shadow didn't strike anyone as the type who would freely express his emotions.

Crying, especially, wasn't something you would associate with Shadow. Having gone through immense trauma, one would expect him to be sensitive towards some things but he wasn't. He could walk through a warzone, taking down enemies left and right, and emerge on the other side with a stoic frown on his face, completely unfazed.

Being the Ultimate Lifeform, one would believe that Shadow had a spirit of steel and a heart of stone.

Only a chosen few knew that, deep down, Shadow still harbored deep emotional scars from losing his dear sister, Maria. And, sometimes, the pain would be so great that not even Shadow could stop himself from feeling it.

Sonic could relate.

One day he came to Club Rouge, having received an urgent call from Rouge, and came to the bat's residence. There, Rouge had him sit down and explained the situation.

It was the anniversary of Maria's death and Shadow had locked himself in his room. Rouge had tried to get the black hedgehog to come out, to offer him comfort, but had been unsuccessful. Although barely audible, both bat and hedgehog could hear the quiet sobs coming from upstairs.

"And he doesn't want to talk to anyone?" Sonic asked, his voice hushed, as he and Rouge headed upstairs.

"I've tried, Big Blue. He usually opens up to me whenever he has nightmares," Rouge sighed as they now stood in front of the door to Shadow's room. "But, today, I can't seem to reach him. I was hoping that maybe you can." She turned to the blue hedgehog, a small smile on her face. She knew that Shadow and Sonic were dating and had been going steady for almost a year. If anyone could help Shadow get through his emotional turmoil, it would be Sonic.

"I'll give you a Chaos Emerald if you get him to come out and at least eat something today," Rouge told Sonic, who smiled and said, "Thanks, Rouge. But you can keep the Emerald. I'll take it from here."

Once Rouge had gone downstairs, Sonic looked at the closed door, a worried frown forming on his face as he heard Shadow's quiet weeping. Knocking on the door, Sonic called out quietly, "Hey, Shads, it's me. Can I come in?"

Silence.

Sighing, Sonic leaned against the wall. "I know you're hurting, Shadow. And, well, I know most people will want to let you know that it's going to be okay… But that's utter crap if you ask me. It's… It's okay to not be okay," he said.

Silence.

Sitting down on the carpeted floor, his knees drawn up to his chest, Sonic looked at Shadow's closed door, his green eyes sad. He wanted so badly to go inside, hold Shadow, and just let the grieving hedgehog know that he was here, that he would stay until he felt better, and that he would help him through his anguish. But Sonic knew better than to rush these sorts of things. Shadow would let him in when he wanted him.

So he sat there, listening and waiting.

Then, about 15 minutes after he had spoken, Sonic heard the door unlock. Standing up, the Blue Blur approached and slowly opened the door.

The older hedgehog was a mess – his tan muzzle and cheeks soaked with tears and ruby red eyes puffy and bloodshot. Clutched in the Ultimate Lifeform's trembling hands was an old sepia photograph of Maria, which was getting wet and tearstained as Shadow continued crying.

"Shadow…" Sonic opened his arms, his face showing nothing but sympathy and understanding.

Whimpering, Shadow leaned into Sonic's embrace. He tried to stifle his tears, breath hitching as he suppressed his sobs.

"You can cry if you want to." Sonic wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, closing his eyes. "I promise that I won't look," he whispered, knowing that emotional vulnerability wasn't something the biohog was particularly good at. He knew that having someone see him this way wasn't easy for Shadow. He respected Shadow's privacy. And if Shadow didn't want to see him cry, then he wasn't going to look.

Keeping his eyes closed, Sonic felt Shadow's form shake against his as the crying came in full earnest. "Shhh… Shhh… That's it. Let it out… Let it all out…" he murmured, running his gloved hands through Shadow's ebony quills.

"I-I miss her…" Shadow wept, clinging onto Sonic as if he were his lifeline. "I miss her… It hurts… It hurts so much…" His legs buckled underneath him and he sank to the floor.

"I know… I know…" Sonic whispered, eyes still closed, as the two of them knelt on the floor.

They stayed in that position until, gradually, Shadow's sobs petered out.

Sniffing, Shadow dried his eyes and took a shuddering breath. Looking at Sonic, he noticed that the cobalt speedster still had his eyes closed. He had kept his promise to not look and, for that, Shadow was grateful.

"Thank you, Sonic…" whispered Shadow, nuzzling his boyfriend's face. "You can open your eyes now."

Sonic did as he was told and smiled sadly. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Still bad…" Shadow admitted, looking at Maria's photograph, his eyes dull. "It still hurts to remember what happened… to remember her…"

"It's okay." Sonic hugged him again. "It's okay to not be okay," he told Shadow, who sighed and hugged him back.

Shadow sighed, closing his eyes and savoring the warmth of his boyfriend's embrace. He wasn't okay. But at least Sonic was here. And having him here and hearing him say that his emotions were valid, that it was okay for him to _not _be okay… it made him feel a little better.

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A few months after the war against Eggman and Infinite, Shadow began to see just how badly it had affected Sonic.

It started out with obvious things like Sonic avoiding water wherever he went. That wasn't too strange for Shadow. Everyone knew that Sonic had aquaphobia.

Then red flags started getting raised as Sonic started showing up late to meetings with the Resistance and Restoration, bags under his eyes, looking like he'd been running all night. He would jump at loud noises, immediately getting into a fighting stance.

Knowing that the Blue Blur had been through hell during his six-month-long imprisonment on the Death Egg, Shadow worried about Sonic constantly. He always stood beside his boyfriend during the meetings, keeping an eye on him.

But what really bothered him was that Sonic just brushed off those six months of torture like they were nothing.

Any time someone inquired about his well-being or how he's been holding up since the war, Sonic would just smile and say that everything's all right or even change the subject entirely. He was still the same happy-go-lucky hedgehog and it was as if nothing had ever happened.

And that sent a nagging feeling through Shadow every time he thought about it. Nobody comes back from war unchanged. And you can try to bury the pain as deep as you can, but it will always find a way to come back up and haunt you.

All this, he was thinking about as he skated through Green Hill. So far, with help from the Chaos Emeralds and Tails' ingenious contraptions, the Restoration's efforts to reverse the desertification Eggman's industries had caused was going smoothly.

He'd just passed through one of the location's iconic loop-de-loops when he spotted Sonic.

Slowing down, Shadow began to approach his boyfriend, who was sitting under a tree. Then he stopped as he heard a sound he thought he would never hear.

Sonic was crying.

The blue hedgehog had his knees hugged to his chest and was letting out gasping sobs, emerald green eyes flooding with tears.

"Sonic…" Shadow slowly made his way over to the tree, his normally stoic face softening as a worried frown graced his muzzle.

Green eyes wide with fright snapped up to lock gazes with red. Sonic quickly tried to wipe his tears away but was stopped by Shadow gently grasping his wrists.

"Sonic, _are you okay_?" asked Shadow, his tone gentle but firm, as he looked into his boyfriend's eyes.

The absolutely _broken _look Sonic gave him made his heart break. Sonic's ears pressed flat against his head as his face screwed up in agony, trying so hard to not cry.

Finally, the dam burst.

Sonic flung himself into Shadow's arms and wailed into the biohog's soft white chest. He hiccupped and he sobbed, his body trembling.

Getting over his initial shock, Shadow wrapped his arms around the sobbing hedgehog, rocking back and forth, his hands rubbing small circles on Sonic's back.

"No… I'm not okay… I'm not okay, Shads…" whimpered Sonic, momentarily bringing his face out of Shadow's chest fur to look at him. "I-I keep getting nightmares and… and every time I look around, and see everything the war destroyed, I… I know it's my fault. It was my fault Eggman nearly took over the entire world and-and I should have been more careful. I was so stupid and reckless. I let my guard down. I let Infinite smack me around and…" He dissolved into tears again, slumping against the Ultimate Lifeform.

"H-He tortured me, Shads. H-He made all these illusions... You, Tails, Amy, Knuckles, Rouge… e-everyone… _You all died in every single one_…"

Shadow tightened his grip, biting his lip to keep the feral growl from escaping his mouth. He swore to Chaos that if Infinite dared show his face again, he was going to skin him alive and rip him limb from limb…

"I keep thinking, "_What if something happens again?_" Wh-what if there's a new enemy a-and I can't beat them? What'll happen if-if I can't be the hero the world needs?" Sonic choked on a sob, clinging onto Shadow as if the ebony hedgehog will disappear if he didn't hold on.

Shadow sighed, gently nuzzling his blue hero. "Oh, Sonic…" Gently, he held the blue hedgehog's face in his hands so they could see eye-to-eye. "You don't have to face this on your own. You don't have to feel like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. I'm here. And we'll protect the world _together_," he told him.

Sonic sniffed, his bloodshot green eyes still leaking tears.

"And," Shadow softly kissed his boyfriend on the nose. "I'll always believe in you and have your back no matter what," he murmured, embracing Sonic and closing his eyes.

"You can cry if you want to. I won't look."

Without another word, Sonic buried his face in Shadow's chest and cried. And all the while, Shadow stayed with him, letting him know that he was there, that he wasn't alone… and that it's okay to not be okay.

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**Read and review. Whenever and whatever you want. But no flames, please. Only constructive criticism that will help me improve.**

**-GuardianDragon98**


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